Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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