I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
