Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
