She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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