so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
