Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
