I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Sext me about skeletons
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
