why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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