i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
