I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I want to have your abortion
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
