I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
