i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
