you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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