Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
