im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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