Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me + whiskey = a bad person
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize