He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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