I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you inspire me to be a worse person
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
