Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
