That's intense
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Randomize
