my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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