I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
