I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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