he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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