We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
