drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
