I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
