ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Randomize
