she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My life is pants optional.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
