How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
