somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
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When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
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How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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