I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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