I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
