Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
