I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
