Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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