Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Holy shit dude........stairs
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
