Don't make out with my wife yet
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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