dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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