i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
