nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
