Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
