I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
