what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
