I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
