We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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