he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
