the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
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He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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