He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Randomize
