i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
