Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
