Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
