hell yes lets make some ravioli
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
