My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize