i would punch a child for taco bell
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
