I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
