drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Randomize
