he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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