She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
