He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My vagina just recognized that song.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Sext me about skeletons
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