Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
It was confusing and full of hummus
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
