kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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