i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
