Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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