i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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