3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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