She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
