It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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