happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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